On Pheasants, Shame and the Cost of Wealth

I grew up in a working-class family in Soviet Azerbaijan, where money was always tight and survival came first.

Only a select few were affluent—most people’s lives were modest, sometimes painfully so. If you grew too big, the government could confiscate your assets. Soviet-style “equality” was often draconian.

I remember how people around me spoke about wealth, especially my grandmother who scoffed at the rich.

We’d occasionally visit my grandfather’s relatives, who were comparatively well-off, and she’d spend days afterward saying awful things about them.

“They’re full of themselves, like puffed up pheasants full of sh*t,” she’d mutter. (Don’t ask me where pheasants came into it—I still don’t know.)

She wouldn’t say it to their face, but her words carried shame. Shame for having more. Shame for standing out.

A part of me didn’t want to become one of those disgraceful “pheasants.”

And yet, another part of me was green with envy when I saw how some of my affluent classmates lived—especially the ones whose parents worked in academia or the police.

I desperately wanted to live in luxury too.

But when I finally started making money, I couldn’t keep it.

It was like I was having an identity crisis. My new reality didn’t fit with my old self-image:

A girl from Ganja, who sometimes had to go hungry. There were days when there wasn’t enough food at home. Fruit was a rare treat half the year. Sweets? They were kept under lock and key in my grandmother’s cupboard—reserved for rich visitors.

Who was I to be abundant?

Even though my external reality had changed, that old identity found ways to get rid of money as soon as it arrived. Unexpected expenses would come up. I’d undercharge. Overgive.

Because deep down, I was still that girl, trying to stay loyal to her roots.

But that loyalty was costing me. And it wasn’t helping anyone—not me, not my family, not my clients.

At some point, I realised I had to heal the legacy I had inherited. Not just on the surface—but deep in my cells, my lineage, and my beliefs about what was possible.

Maybe you too have an old identity that stops you from living up to your full potential, drains your energy and resources and holds you back from shining brightly. Perhaps, at deeply subconscious level, that old identity means that you always have to be in debt, unable to charge for your services or spend money on yourself in order to belong with your roots.

If that’s you, come and join Unlock Unlimited Love & Money. Let’s unravel your old stories around your financial identity and write a new story of ease, infinite possibilities and wealth.

You can buy the 5-week course here: www.gularavincent.co.uk/unlock 

Warmest wishes 

Gulara